Did anyone ever tell you that having three kids was easy? “If you have two, three kids is no different.” Or “Any more than two kids and it’s only logistics,” I would often hear.
These parents deceived me.
So I happily entered into my third pregnancy thinking life would go on as usual. Then when I was six months pregnant with my third, one of my mommy neighbours was rushing past our driveway frazzled, walking her three kids to school. (Or maybe I was the frazzled one?)
And then dead serious, she finally spoke the truth that no one had ever told me: “Don’t believe what anyone else says. When you have your third child, your life will be turned upside down.” I stopped in my tracks as I was buckling my fussy two year old into our brand new minivan. Was she telling the truth? Surely all those other parents couldn’t be wrong? How much harder could it possibly be?
Here are the 10 problems with having three (or more) kids:
Problem #1: You only have two arms.
Clearly I need to hold the new baby. But toddlers are sensitive little creatures, and when the terrible two’s kick in, I need to hold my two year old too. And then of course my kindergartner gets jealous. Then what? Tears. Chaos. Tantrums. You can’t win that battle!
Problem #2: The other kids will wake up at night too.
My older girls used to sleep through the night like champions. But enter the emotional stress of adding a baby brother to the mix, and now they take turns either wetting the bed, or screaming bloody murder at random times throughout the night. And just as your newborn starts to settle into a routine of only waking up twice a night, your toddler will decide it’s the perfect time to start waking up at 5am. Lovely.
Problem #3: You need to get a van.
Deal with it, because that’s not even the worst part. You’ll also need to accept that you have two older children who are going to turn your brand new minivan into a disaster within a week. Who on earth thought that black was a good standard colour for the interior of a minivan? Your van will never be clean. Ever.
Problem #4: And speaking of being clean…
Once upon a time I used to shower regularly. I smelled nice. My hair was neatly done. Heck, I even used a blow dryer. Now, I’m lucky if I get to eat breakfast let alone fit in a quick shower. And I’m not the only one in the family with this problem. It takes a LONG time to bathe three kids under five. You aren’t going to do it every day. In fact, I think it’s a successful week if we’ve managed to bathe them at least once. I can only cling to the hope that my kids get bathed more than the kids in their class who come from families with four kids.
Problem #5: The middle child.
My two year old used to be lovely. An angel. The sweetest, most charming child I’d ever seen. That was when she was the youngest. Now she’s a middle child and life is full of DRAMA. The iPad battery died? Tantrum! I can’t hold her in my arms because I need both my hands to make dinner? Screams! She can’t have a bandaid because there is no injury in sight? It’s the end of the world! All. Day. Long. The Jekyll and Hyde transformation is a very real thing folks!
Problem #6: Someone is getting neglected.
I want to be a helicopter parent, I really do. Just like I want to not find toys in my sock drawer and I want to do the dishes every night… wouldn’t that be a perfect world? I so desperately want to make sure my kids are always safe, and well fed, and happy. But there is simply no time to give as much attention to everyone as I would like. The older kids are going to watch a lot of TV. And they are going to play on the iPad. A lot. (The iPad is a godsend for nursing moms!) You are going to need to put toddler food, like boxes of raisins, fish crackers, and fruit snacks on lower shelves in the pantry so they can get their own snacks when you just can’t get up to get one. And sometimes, you’ll hear your toddler making a noise somewhere in the house, and you are going to have no idea what that noise is. But you are going to continue changing that newborn’s blown out diaper without checking to see whats going on with the toddler, because leaving the baby is just not an option at that moment. *sigh*
Problem #7: The baby weight doesn’t just come off.
Remember with your first baby, when the baby weight seemed to just melt away and you were quickly back in your normal jeans? That doesn’t happen the third time around. Your body gets the message “Oh, I get it, this lady likes to get pregnant, so we might as well give her a buffer of fat for when it happens again.” Doesn’t my body know I have no intention of getting pregnant EVER AGAIN? Get used to your fat pants ladies. It’s going to take some hard work to get yourself back into those skinny jeans.
Problem #8: Oh the toys!
I remember having a lot of toys when I was growing up. There never seemed to be a shortage. But when I look around my house at the volume of Barbies, and stuffed animals, and mega blocks, and train sets, and crafts, and colouring books, and Little People it’s insane how many toys my kids have. Toys are so cheap these days that every family member feels the need to buy at least two toys for each kid at each holiday. And the kids can’t possibly appreciate them anymore because there are just SO. MANY. TOYS.
Problem #9: You just aren’t a cool mommy anymore.
Remember when you had your first baby and you researched all your baby gear and you tried to get the coolest, most in style equipment available on the market? (Or if you are me, the coolest stuff in your price range…) Well, now all that gear is at least five years old. It’s used. It’s dated. It’s just not cool anymore. And since this is the third child and you already have everything you need, you certainly aren’t going to buy anything new. You just can’t justify buying a Mamaroo. And you are going to use the tattered receiving blankets you got for your first baby (even if they aren’t for the right gender), not brand new Aiden and Anais muslin ones. Heck, you might even walk down the street with a Graco stroller. *gasp*
Problem #10: The slightest sentimental thought brings you to tears
You are going to question your decision to have three kids. But then you are going to look at that sweet baby’s face, and he’s going to smile at you for the very first time and it’s not going to matter that it’s 4am. Your Kindergartner is going to come home with crafts from school with the only word she knows how to spell written all over them: “MOMMY” and a bunch of hearts drawn beside that word. It’s going to make you melt. That terrible two year old is going to wrap her arms around your neck and give you the biggest, sweetest hug, and you are going to forget the tantrum she just had. You are going to be moved to tears more than you ever thought possible.
lol, great post! I enjoyed reading it. I am the third child of 15 kids – my Mom would tell you that three is easy! lol. I myself have 4, and I understand every bit of your post! Thank you for sharing with VMG206 Brag About It!
Laurie
lol 15 kids?!!?!? OUCH! Your mom must have been made of tough stuff!! I’m pretty sure 4 might kill me, so I can’t even process in my head what it must have been like to have 15!! FIFTEEN!?
15 is to many poor lady body is ripped to pieces
Indeed! Lovely post! Im stopping at two! I cant be so brave to have another one!
Thank you for joining us #pintorials
These were exactly the reasons why I hesitated to have three. Right now I have two but I know once my little one turns two I’ll be itching for another. Thanks for sharing.
I too am from a large family- I am 7 of 9 in my family. My mother also had 2 miscarriages. I myself have 5, first ones were identical twin girls. After I had a son, (when they were 2 1/2 yrs.) I thought I was done, too. Someone thought that he needed a little brother, and the last girl was a surprise. It was tough, and I had lots of morning sickness ( my mother actually never had any and felt better when she was pregnant- arthritis). In my next life maybe 2 is enough for me, or maybe 0, LOL!!!
I have a 4 year old and 3 year old that are 14 months apart. Then I had my third when my second was a little over 2 yrs old. I’m pregnant with my 4th, making my 3rd and 4th ALSO 14 months apart! 😬 I know I’m crazy for having them all so close. And they’re all boys. I feel like I’ve totally lost it… but I also love having them all so close as well. They love each other so much and they play so well. They fight a lot too, but always hug it out. I know one day when they’re all grown up, I’ll be so glad I had them so close…. Like when they all leave my house within a few years of each other. Hahaha 😶
I have found having 3 little ones so challenging. Always frazzled and chasing my tail. My hope is that it will get easier as they get older (ASAP)! I’d advise anyone against 3 unless they have a fabulous support network ar arms reach.
I have 3, two boys, one girl. I am the middle of 3 girls. My mom said after we had our second boy “you better decide if you are done or not”. It had taken us 7 years to get pregnant with my oldest and 2 years with my middle one. My mom told me “1 is 1, 2 is 2, and 3 is 100”. I find that completely true. My first 2 are 3yrs 2mo apart, my middle and youngest are 2 years 4mo apart. I find that my days can be a little crazy and I am always trying to run faster than the 3. Some days I am caught up and others I am far behind. My house is always a mess, no by choice at all. I am always cleaning. I find that I spent so much times with 1 and 2 for one on one time that when I should be spending special time with #3 I find that I am just trying to play catch up. It is tough! Really tough! But you get used to chaos. Sounds weird right. You accept that you are always going to be late, someone is always pooping and someone is always left out bc only 2 can get along at a time. In your heart you will know if it is right for you. It is no easy at all. I wish everyone luck who joins the 3 ring circus. It is starting to get more fun now that my kiddos are 9, 6 and 4.
This is just depressing. I’m pregnant with my third and this article made me feel like I’d be an idiot to have 3. Kids are a miracle and worth all of this.
I feel the same. I’m currently pregnant with my third and I know it will be really tough but it’s such a blessing. This all makes it sound like if you don’t have a good network of support, you’re doomed for. I will have no help at all all day (except evenings when my husband is home) and they’ll be 3 under 4 years old. It’s do-able.
@Layla and @Kristen, with respect, this article is the honest opinion of one woman — a woman who makes clear that her views are her own and that the mileage of her readers may vary. (As many commenters here have noted, even the tipping point into a ‘large number of kids’ is relative. For the author of this article, it’s 3 or more. My college roommate — raised with 9 siblings in a Mormon family in Provo, Utah — made the decision to have “just” 4 kids as an adult. Ongoing teasing from her parents and siblings notwithstanding, she speaks often about how pleased she is with her decision to have a “small family” and what a piece of cake she finds her quartet compared to the 10-child “madhouse” of her youth — despite the fact that, in addition to being a mom of 4, she also runs her own full-time catering business!)
I applaud the article’s author for her honesty, a commodity that IMHO we could use more of in a culture that — as Keanu Reeves’ character sagely notes in the 1990s film version of _Parenthood_ — heavily encourages childbearing but offers little practical information about navigating parenting successfully, especially in situations other than the ‘Mom-Dad-and-Two-Kids’ structure that the U.S. Census notes has been the most popular type of U.S. family since the 1950s.
Never once did the author say that she viewed her kids as anything less than a blessing, or that managing 3 or more kids wasn’t “do-able.” Instead, she just noted — as do the Old Testament and the Torah, which literally wrote the book on the notion that children are a divine gift — that large numbers of kids are a boon that poses unique challenges about which parents do well to apprise themselves in advance.
Finally, if I can share an honest observation — just as the two of you have done — I gotta say that the fact that each of you says in your comments that the author’s honest recounting of her own and her neighbor’s experiences of 3 or more kids invokes “doom” or “depression” for you is telling in itself. As a historian, I can report that pro-big-family sources as disparate as the popular women’s magazine _Godey’s Lady’s Book_ in the 19th century to Erma Bombeck in the 20th make clear that having 3 or more kids poses unique, if blessed, challenges that the most effective moms face squarely and acknowledge, embrace, and troubleshoot as far in advance if they can.
In other words (and with apologies to the composers of the 1970s musical _The Wiz_), when readers take the “Don’t nobody bring me no bad news” approach to blog posts about family size and parenting strategy, no one wins — least of all moms considering 3 or more kids and the trios (and then some) that they seek to parent.
Yea but like the author also stated that WHEN you have a good support group then yes it’s easy but when you don’t trust me you won’t have time to cater to nobody except those kids
I am not a mother but 1 of 3 sister if I was to have children i would not stop at an odd number. It is still happening to me today that 2 against 1. My oldest sister bands with my other sister or me and it hurts. My mom died 8 yr age and my dad last September. They spent a lot of money to lawyers & accountants to avoid problems at the time of their death, but it was a waste of money my two sisters banded to gather and made discissions to gather and told me that i need to go along or they will never speak to me again and charge me for lawyers’ fees to prove their case and they said that what they say will match. It was crazy they tossed and sold my stuff locked me out of the house and are sending me bills of 3,800.00 for mom & dads 2021 taxes when in 2020 me & dad were only charged 1000.00 for his, mom, and mine. Both my sisters have 2 kids, and their kids have kids so they feel the estate should be split with all of them 7 pcs for oldest 7pcs for middle and 1 pc for me. I should have remembered from my youth and had my dad hire someone outside the family to handle it even with their fees i would have come out with a more even value, but it is done, and I now have no family. I hope someone in there life hurts them like they hurt me. I am strong and will survive.
Thank you for your honesty. It really helps a lot. Stating your true challenges as a mother of three, but regardless of all, love conquers it all. But the truth of physically being overwhelmed, I can only imagine.